it comes in waves. grief always does.
there will be much left unsaid. it is, they say, for the best.
no contact is the only way to go. the only way forward.
it seems impossibly difficult.
now, in this moment, i count the days.
but I know from past experience, that at any second,
i will count the seconds.
it will become hard to breathe, to talk about…anything.
i will see your face. i will remember a kindness.
my heart will whisper: “it is alright. It was beautiful, wasn’t it?
being loved unconditionally.”
and my head will come in, sighing.
“unconditionally? i hate to do this, but look, look at this memory.
remember that time when you were feeling small, vulnerable and gutted?
you were in the parking lot begging for love. begging for his love.”
“oh.” my heart will say. “but we know why he behaves that way!
and it isn’t his fault. he’s been hurt so deeply. and many times!
we must be brave. and kind. and loving -always.”
and the head will stare, glaring: “when will you stop watering dead plants?”
it comes in waves. grief always does.
it’s been a second.
-saoirse havil
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