(Self) Image is Everything

One swipe. Right. An uncanny familirariy. Same words. Language. So open. Free. For me. No rules. I am following the rules she told me to: “Don’t think. Feel.” “You are the only one that makes your rules.” “Don’t let other’s rules, rule you.” These are guides that I am living by. I knew you would…

I think of you every day. Wishing you were here. Wanting you by my side. Wondering.. Who you are? Where you are? Why you’re not here? What will you look like? Smell like? Taste like? Sound like? Feel like? Dreaming of what I think might be you. And being disappointed date after date when it’s…

It has been some time. We are together, but still figuring out. I lay intertwined in your arms, in my bed. Our bodies so comfortably separate, yet together. The tears well up in my eyes and my heart aches. The words are urning to be expressed, but my throat won’t let them be heard. It…

Is he… different than I expect? different from what I imagine? I know… It needs to be about how I feel. How I’m treated. Looked at. Spoken to. Cared for. Loved. That it… Must be differerent. Than all others. Not arrogant. Not for show. Simple. In the best way. Easy. As it should be. Paced….

We swipe right on each other, overtime. We are drawn to each other. It’s an unhealthy cycle. But we do it over and over. Why? Why do we do that? For me. It’s so familiar. So comfortable. But it is so unhealthy. Do you mean to be mean? I don’t think you do. You hide…

Why isn’t he here? “You’re just mastering the finishg touches,” she says. I don’t know what that means. Aren’t I good enough as I am. Why is there more to be done? Haven’t I done the work? ALL THE WORK! Wait. Are those finshing touches for me? Or him? I didn’t ask. It’s been years….